Web 3.0 will be about cheeseburgers.

I have been seeing a lot of Web 3.0 and beyond predictions on digg lately, and frankly they are all way off base. Let’s examine Web 2.0 to pear into what is in store for future versions of the web. Google defines web 2.0 as…

“full-fledged computing platform serving web applications to end users. Ultimately Web 2.0 services are expected to replace desktop computing applications for many purposes. ”

Using the internet to replace desktop computing applications is pretty much reinventing the way we use computers and the internet. What people predicting for future version of the web (Web 3.0, 4.0, 5.5, and 5.3 (5.5 will crash due to a horrible Microsoft responsible bug and we will have to use safemode to reboot the web back into 5.3)) really doesn’t grasp just how far the web will change and alter how we use computer.

Web 3.0 will be about cheeseburgers. Yes, I said it, it’s true. You had better get used to it, because after we start using the web for all our desktop applications it is going straight to making fast food. Not all food mind you, because people on the internet are damn impatient and they are not going to wait 30minutes while their computer preheat’s its e-oven.

Even though people really only care what the cheese burger tastes like, Web 3.0 designers will spend countless hours working on perfectly rounded patty corners, lettuce drop shadows, and subtle vibrant sauce splashes.

Web 4.0 will be focused on slimming down the fat of Web 3.0. Much like moving from pure HTML design mark-up to CSS, we will all be trying to separate our fat from body. This will be done with LSS (Liposuction Style Sheets), which will suck our fat out of our ass and dress us in the latest trendy clothings. At this period in time, the style will be retro and all clothes will have a thousand animated gif’s, flashing and/or scrolling text, and a background pattern that basically makes it impossible to see you.

Web 5.0 won’t be on computers at all. Robot’s power by Web 5.0 will follow us around like annoying side kicks (and ironically, they will be called “Robin’s”) to give us all the information we could ever want simply by asking.

Web 5.5 will be an upgrade by microsoft for the robot’s, but due to poor coding it will cause most robot’s to resort to kicking people in the junk when asked questions it doesn’t know the answer for.

Web 5.3 will be a user installed patch where the robots are smashed into oblivion by a frying pan.